New Year Resolutions

First, let me again thank Diddy for having me out to his big New Year bash.  I had a wonderful time and really enjoyed the case of Ciroc Vodka he sent home with me.  Next, lets talk about 2011 and this whole issue of resolutions.  I'm not big on making resolutions (especially with such an epic fail rate on 'em).  What I do like is to set goals for the year ahead.  Here a few of mine for 2011:

1.  PLAY BETTERER:  My live game has really been shaping up well with a couple of solid money wins lately and I feel pretty confident on my live game at the moment.  My goal for 2011 is to continue this improvement with the final outcome being winning the Kentucky State Poker Championship and cashing in in this year's WSOP.  Even with the loss of the prop bet with the Geeks on Poker requiring me to wear a kilt to the KY Championship, I feel pretty confident in my ability to cement my place as the #1 Hold'em Player in the state!

2.  EXPAND THE BRAND:  Brian Elmore and I have been kicking around the idea of cutting a pilot for ICN2 and presenting it to Insight for consideration.  The show will be called TWO GUYS & A SIX-PACK and I think we have a chance of being more popular than other ICN2 offerings such as Weather Overnight, The Quilters Corner and Mannix.

3.  CHECK OFF THE F---IT LIST:  Every married couple has their dream list of people we would give our spouse a pass on if they got the chance to knock boots.  My wife's list includes such celebs as Brad Pitt, Antonio Bandares and Johnny Depp.  I think this year might be my chance to check at least one off my list.  Let's see, I have Selma Hayek, a Pirate Hooker and Stripper Cyborg on my list.  Despite the second restraining order, I still hold out hope for a booty call with Selma.  I think I'm still a good decade away before technology can perfect a half human/half robot stripper.  That leaves the real possibility for the Pirate Hooker.  Now, I'm not talking about some hooker dressed up in some costume or role playing.  I'm talking a full fledged pirate with peg leg and parrot who has grown tired of her hijinks on the high seas and has come to port for a little barnacle bumping.  Hubba Hubba....ahoy mateys!  With all the news of pirates getting shot off of Somalia this year there has got to be a seaside seductress ready to hang up her cutless and g-string.

4.  SHAPE UP:  LPS Jack has set the bar high for weight loss lately and I feel the need to shed a few extra pounds myself in 2011.  Not so much for the reasons you might normally think...nothing wrong with being a big sexy beast....However, my weight to alcohol rate is out of the stratosphere.  It takes me at least a case of beer to feel a buzz anymore.  I calculate that if I lose 25 lbs, I can lower that buzz rate to a mere 18 pack of Coors Light.  Thus, saving me around $25,000 in beer money alone this next year.  With that kind of bank I can finish my mancave off right and still have change left to invest in Stripper Cyborg technology.

That's it.  Those are my goals for 2011.  Some are lofty and others quiet attainable....I'm talking to YOU Selma!  Stay tuned to keep track of my progress this year in meeting my goals for 2011!